Children Bearing the Dreams of Their Parents

Estrella · Aug 31, 2024

In today’s society, it’s not uncommon to see parents who want their children to achieve the successes they themselves could not, or simply desire their children to have a “better life” according to their own perspectives. However, sometimes these expectations and dreams do not accurately reflect the true interests and abilities of the children, leading to pressure and stress for both the children and the parents.

The Dream of Having a Doctor in the Family

H shared that she once fell into depression because her family pressured her to become a doctor. Even though she didn’t really want to study that field, her opinions were not listened to. H grew up in a state of hesitation and depression, not knowing which path to choose. She began to question whether her family’s love for her was unconditional, or if it was just because she could fulfill the family’s dream.

The Dream of a Genius Child

P, a talented teacher in Hanoi, was always proud of his effective teaching methods, which produced excellent students. He also developed a method to teach his son, who excelled in English and Math, winning many international awards. P was proud of this and had plans to make his son one of the smartest people in the world. However, one day, he was devastated to discover that his son had taken an overdose of sleeping pills in an attempt to commit suicide. In a suicide note, his son wrote, “I’m sorry, I can’t continue your dream, Dad.” Fortunately, the boy was rescued in time and his life was not in danger, but his mental state was no longer stable.

Unforeseen Consequences

These are just two of thousands of cases where parents’ dreams weigh heavily on their children’s shoulders. One of the most serious consequences of this is the loss of freedom to choose and the ability to make independent decisions about their own future. When children have to live up to their parents’ expectations, they may lose the opportunity to explore and develop their own passions and interests, which is crucial for their holistic development and personal happiness.

At the same time, carrying their parents’ dreams can lead to mental health issues in children, including anxiety, depression, and a lack of self-confidence. When children fail to meet the set goals, they may feel like failures and lose faith in themselves, exacerbating feelings of helplessness and pressure.

Motivation, Not Pressure

However, not all impacts are negative. In some cases, parents’ expectations can motivate children to strive and achieve significant accomplishments in their studies and careers. The key is to strike a balance where parents encourage and support their children in pursuing their own passions and goals, rather than imposing incompatible expectations.

To reduce pressure and support children’s holistic development, parents should focus on deeply listening to and understanding their children’s aspirations and abilities. Providing children with a safe environment to express themselves and explore their personal interests is a crucial first step in nurturing a happy and successful future for them, based on their own capabilities and dreams.

Each member of the family is recognized, accepted, and respected by the others simply because of their inherent dignity, not because they must do something to earn that respect. Each person is loved just because they belong to the family. No one is treated as a means to an end but as an end in themselves. Therefore, within the family, a culture of life is formed, which is no longer taken for granted today. Nowadays, the main focus often shifts to what a person can do or contribute (for example, money). People tend to prioritize material things above all else. This way of thinking challenges families and often even undermines them.